My Father’s Sacrifice

The land flowing with milk and honey, that’s what my dad, like so many others was in search of when he came to America. He left home and family to seek out the unknown, to seek out something he believed was in existence, but wasn’t certain of finding. He believed and with that belief, leapt from one continent to another.
I can’t imagine what he must have experienced when he landed on the shores of Freedom. I’m sure he sang an immigrant song similar to the one being sung by so many even today, made up of unfamiliar lines and written in an unintelligible language to the Americans around him.
The difference between the coast of Kerala, and the coast off of New York must have been overwhelming and I’m certain he longed to be back in the tropical heat of his mother land far from the frigid east coast winters of New York and then eventually Colorado.
I think of the sacrifice he made in leaving his wife and young sons to search out the only thing he believed would be in the best interest for his family. I imagine there must have been sleepless nights of worry and anxiety driven moments of questioning why he was doing what he was doing. I think of all those things including the years he missed out in the lives of my brothers and even in my formative years and wonder what carried him through the loneliness and solitude. I can only imagine the frustration of being discriminated against and the anger of getting paid less than minimum wage because he was a “foreigner.” I don’t know how he survived on his income, much less how he saved enough of it to send home to his wife and kids.
Every one of those thoughts leaves me feeling such appreciation and admiration for this man, but I’ve always felt it in a way that is so very Indian and so very unspoken. I’ve always been proud of my father, but have never told him. So many times in my life I’ve clearly seen how my life and those of others around me has benefited because of the risk my dad took in 1970.
Yesterday for the first time in my life in a gathering with the rest of my siblings, my sisters-in-law and nephews on this Father’s day I got to say Thank you to my father for that leap of faith he took on our behalf. I acknowledged to him that my life is better today because of his sacrifice for us. Yesterday the moment presented itself and I was able to tell my Pappa in a very un-Indian way that my children and their children and generations to come would be blessed because he stepped out into the unknown and thought of them even before their existence.
I don’t think he knew how to take what I was saying or how to take what my brothers said after me, but I’m certain that somewhere in his heart he must have felt affirmed in knowing that his children actually took notice of the amazing risk he took.
We are not affectionate towards our dad nor is he affectionate towards us, but yesterday the feeling of love and admiration in that room was obvious. I think he finally saw that we recognized the amazing gesture of love he has shown us day by day, month by month and year by year since that day in 1970 when he landed in this promised land even in the moments he questioned it’s promises.