I’m a preacher’s kid, so growing up in the Indian church we had all sorts of rules to follow. On Sunday mornings, we had a whole different set of rules.  Some of them included not watching TV or reading the newspaper before church, learning a memory verse, or always wearing our Sunday “best.” One of the biggest rules was that we couldn’t eat on Sunday mornings before church. I knew we were supposed to be “fasting” but I was never really sure why we were fasting. As a kid all I really knew was that I was hungry and wanted to sneak a little snack, even if it was just a piece of bread when nobody was looking. My brothers and I would literally count down the hours, minutes and seconds until church ended and we could have lunch. And of course, Sundays were always the best meals! We always had guests at our house after church so our mom would make all of our favorite Indian dishes.

Somehow, I guess I knew that fasting was important to my parents, therefore it should’ve been important to me. But I didn’t get it. My parents never explained the purpose of fasting to me, perhaps thinking I was too young to understand or care.

But that lack of understanding about fasting followed me for years. As a young adult I still struggled with knowing what to do on Sunday mornings. Was it wrong to eat breakfast? Was it wrong to not fast? Why did not eating breakfast and making a mad rush to the buffet line at lunch make me somehow feel that I was missing the point?

It’s funny that sometimes what we learn as children become the things that we believe should be the way we live the rest of our lives. We sometimes don’t even know why we do certain things, but since it’s familiar, we carry on the pattern. Do we do things simply because our parents told us to do them as kids? Do we know what the scriptural basis is for things we practice, preach and pray?

The topic of fasting left quite an impression on my young mind, so as an adult I’ve looked into it on my own and Isaiah 58 jumps out at me:

Can you imagine? Our fasting is meant to loosen the chains of injustice, untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke?

I never would have known that had I not opened up the scripture and read it for myself. My act of not eating is actually a battle against oppression. It says specifically what happens when I fast…it’s not meant to make me look holy and perfect before God. It’s meant to bring life, hope and relief to those around me. When I am hungry I will see the hunger in the eyes of my brothers and sisters around me. When I am thirsty, my eyes will be open to the thirsty around me who need so desperately to hear about Jesus through my love for them.

Why is that so hard for us as Christians to understand? There are people all around us every day who need a little relief, but sometimes we’re so caught up in self-motivated fasting.  I’m not saying we shouldn’t pray for good things in our lives, but too often we are fasting and praying for a winning game, a good grade, the perfect spouse, a bigger house, a better job, a better location, better looks. We often compare ourselves to those around us and feel dissatisfied with the blessings we have which lead us on a path to pray for more.  This, my friends, is the type of fasting that God despises. The kind of fasting where we are left wondering why God isn’t hearing our prayer, but we forget that in His word, he’s told us in
Isaiah 58:9b-10,

Its kind of hard to believe isn’t it? That God would be so harsh in addressing us about our role in taking care of the poor? We sometimes doubt that He meant that for us specifically. I mean really…all we need is some direction in life and some answers to prayer. So if that were all we need, why wouldn’t we follow his word? Verses 8 and 9a say:

I want that! I want that for myself, for my family, for my friends and for you! It’s sometimes a hard concept for us as a new generation of Christians in a multi-cultural world to understand that the mandate still remains for us to reach out to the lost and the hurting…to put someone else’s need above our wants for bigger, better and bolder…to be the answer to the prayer of a child in need or a neighbor in want. The truth of scripture has not changed.

It’s interesting to me how God uses the “If…Then” statement to explain His intense meaning. IF you do this, THEN you will see the light. Amazing isn’t it? Our fasting, isn’t meant to make me look good or holy to my parents or my church. It is meant to battle the wickedness and oppression that exists to debilitate and strip my fellow man of their humanity. If I don’t step into the battle, then it becomes my sin that gets in the way of another person’s freedom.

My prayer is that God will allow us to see that we can do something on a daily basis to reach beyond ourselves and to help those in need. We are called to be the hands and feet of Jesus. We are called to take a stand. Fasting is powerful and necessary. It’s not just a chance to go hungry, but to do some serious battle for the kingdom.

The question is: Will you step forward and allow Him to use you? Will you fast in a way that pleases the Lord? Will you be the one who is called Repairer of Broken Walls and Restorer of Streets with Dwellings? (Isaiah 58: 12)

My mind is literally fast forwarding through so many thoughts this morning. My work week at Compassion has been busy…filled with acronyms like CSP and LDP, both programs I work on and need a ton of my attention right now. My personal life has been filled with picking up the kids, dropping them off, making sure they’re where they need to be. Spence is gone to the Philippines, so it’s been crazy to see how much I’ve come to depend on him in such a short amount of time. It’s also crazy to revert to being a single mom, even if it is just for 10 days.  Into this mix, I’ve said goodbye to my mom who was visiting from India for a month. All just emotionally draining and taxing stuff.

Prayer calms the heart

My mind whirs and clicks and stumbles and goes fast forward and rewinds, but then there’s always a stillness that comes as I remember people in prayer. In the middle of the insanity silent prayers goes up for a baby who’s having difficulty breathing. A husband and wife who’s home was broken into. My mother who’s traveling alone. My dad who’s in India alone. The girl’s home that our family runs. Missionary friends. My children. My friends who want to have babies. My friends who are walking through hard times in marriage. My friends who are contemplating life changes. My husband who’s seeing difficult things. My co-workers who may by smiling but dealing with difficult situations. The children in poverty we work on behalf of. The children I sponsor. My nephews. My nieces. My cousins. My brothers. My sisters (in-law). My in-laws. My friends who are running races this weekend. My friends who are moving. Friends in other states. Family far and wide. My neighbors. My dog. My present, my future…So many things and people to pray for.

Some of it can get so overwhelming, but when I pray, I can calm my heart and know that all will be well. If I’ve learned anything in the past year, it is that there is an answer for every prayer.  The answer may or may not be what I want or expect, but God is working  in the darkest of storms and brightest of days. So this morning, I’m including you.

God, I know that you reach out to us in the strangest of places. Maybe today you will reach someone through this post. Please bless them, protect them, guide them, give them wisdom in decision making. Give them strength to face their circumstances. But most importantly, let them know how much you love them today.

 ”…True prayer is measured by weight, not by length. A single groan before God may have more fullness of prayer in it than a fine oration of great length.”  C. H. Spurgeon

Bebo Norman Healing Song
I can tell by this crack of light
Oh girl this is gonna be, it’s gonna be a beautiful day
And I can tell by this stretch of silver
Spreading all out across the curves of your face

And for the love, for the love of God
I’ve gathered up my pride, I’ve gathered up my bits and bone
And in a world that broke me down
I’m standing up, but not alone

‘Cause this is a healing song, oh and I’ve got a heart that fails
But love is pushing me along, I’m lifting up above this veil
This is a healing song, oh and I don’t know if you can tell
But love is pushing me along
I’m pressing up against the rail, pressing up against the rail

In addition to the house stuff, I’ve been preparing to get married. Preparing the dress, the ceremony, the guests, the family. All my preparations have centered around getting to end goals.

Funny that I have constantly run into various obstacles or conflict with every step of preparation. From the most minor issue to the greatest conflict,  the summer has been filled with many moments of conflict.

Today is no different. When I set out to sell my house with my best friend and realtor, Hannah, I knew that the house would sell. I had no doubts. We got the house looking great and in less than 4 weeks of being on the market, we had some 28 showings on the house before it went under contract. While the house was listed for sale, I told both Hannah and  Spence, that I believed God would bring me 2 offers on the house.
We had to get the house under contract by the first week of August for it to close so we could get into a new home before the wedding date. Sure enough the day  I got an offer on the house was in the first week of August and the day I got the first offer, I also got the second offer. It was all going pretty amazingly according to the plan Hannah and I had discussed even with all the setbacks we dealt with.

So today I find out that the buyers of my house are backing out and I no longer have a deal. My house has to be re-listed and we have to go through the process of trying to find a new buyer. I’ve been mulling over a lot of thoughts today as it relates to this including:

• This is not according to plan
• I really do not need this additional stress in my life 2 weeks before the wedding.
• I’m tired
• I want to be done
• I feel like Jonah sitting under the shade tree

This is not according to my plan and I think that’s the key here. My life so far has not gone according to the plans and preparation I’ve made. I think I’ve said it before, but I never imagined I’d be who I am today dealing with the struggles, issues and joys I’m facing today. I realize in the difficult moments like today that God’s plan is greater than mine (yes, i’ve heard that today from all my well meaning friends and family as well). But in the recent weeks I’ve come to see that there is a hand at work in my life that I recognize to be only God’s. I have felt His amazing presence in every situation and every difficulty. That’s not to say that I’ve been stellar at dealing with the difficulties, but that in the craziness, I’ve known what it means to be in His hands. Otherwise, I couldn’t possibly explain the peace I have right now.

The other thing I am realizing is that this situation is one in which God is checking my heart to see if I really trust him to do things His way for my future, my future husband, my children and my home.

What’s the attitude of my heart when the things I think I deserve suddenly get taken away?

Here I am, faced with an uncertainty about my house, but once again knowing that He is my provider, He is my protector, He is my Abba and He will do all that He has promised me. The thing is…God will do things in my life so that nobody but he will receive credit for the victories in my life.

So, as I was scrubbing down the kitchen counter tonight I thought about Jonah and how he decided he was going to get mad at God for the compassion God showed.

^{Jonah 4:5-10}

⁵ Jonah had gone out and sat down at a place east of the city. There he made himself a shelter, sat in its shade and waited to see what would happen to the city. ⁶ Then the LORD God provided a leafy plant^[a] and made it grow up over Jonah to give shade for his head to ease his discomfort, and Jonah was very happy about the plant. ⁷ But at dawn the next day God provided a worm, which chewed the plant so that it withered. ⁸When the sun rose, God provided a scorching east wind, and the sun blazed on Jonah’s head so that he grew faint. He wanted to die, and said, “It would be better for me to die than to live.” ⁹ But God said to Jonah, “Is it right for you to be angry about the plant?”   “It is,” he said. “And I’m so angry I wish I were dead.” ¹⁰ But the LORD said, “You have been concerned about this plant, though you did not tend it or make it grow. It sprang up overnight and died overnight.

That Jonah…he’s so silly. It’s obvious the plant wasn’t there for shade before he sat down, but then he gets mad when God takes away what (he) God gave him in the first place. So mad that he wanted to die. Really? How immature is he that, he didn’t do anything to deserve the shade in the first place, but was blessed by God, which made him happy, but then when God takes it away, he is absolutely angry and ready to die?? Well, it is silly, but that’s how I am.  That’s how we are isn’t it?

Well, I see the faultiness of my thinking and I’m done being like Jonah. I will continue to thank God for his goodness regardless of what the circumstance is. I don’t know when my house will sell again. But I know that God loves me dearly and wants the best for my children, my future husband and for those around me. He provided the first buyers, He provided the house I want to purchase. It’s difficult to expect such big things and then to be let down, but when I really think about it…it’s just the way things go in the walk of faith isn’t it? We don’t deserve the grace and blessings he pours out on us. Ultimately the honor goes only to God. So, here I am taking my hands off and saying, “here it is God, take it and do what you will.”

I prayed for you as you deal with physical pain.

I prayed for you as you deal with heartache.

I prayed for you as you deal with grief.

I prayed for your baby.

I prayed for you to meet the person He has planned for you.

I prayed for your marriage.

I prayed for your children to do well in school and relationships.

I prayed for you to find a job.

I prayed that you would hear His voice.

I prayed for you to find a close friend.

I prayed for God to make his will clear to you.

I prayed for your pregnancy.

I prayed for you to find community.

I prayed that you would step out of your comfort zone to do something you’ve never done.

I prayed for that sick relative you can’t stop thinking of.

I prayed for your aging parents.

I prayed for God to show you the way where there seems to be no way.

I prayed that you would trust Him.

I prayed for God’s truth to be revealed to you so that you know you are a child of the living King.

More than anything I prayed that you would know today how much you are loved by the creator of the universe.

photo by Crickontour

This is my “go-to” post for Valentine’s day. It’s been around for a few years, but it still remains true.

This month represents that wonderful hallmark holiday…something to give us a break from the mundane days of winter…the blues, the blahs, the cold weather…I’ve actually never been a big fan, but I’m often catching myself  trying to figure out this thing called love and i know and possibly you know too that “God is Love” so i struggle with letting that idea take over and permeate my life and it’s especially difficult when i actually sit and dissect verses from the LOVE chapter of the “good book.”

So, here’s what i did…I experimented a bit philosophically and extracted out all the words that say Love and replaced them with God…

“God is patient. God is kind. God does not want what belongs to others. God does not brag. God is not proud. God is not rude. God does not look out for His own interests. God does not easily become angry. God does not keep track of people’s wrongs. God is not happy with evil, but is full of joy when the truth is spoken.  God always protects. God always trusts. God always hopes. God never gives up. God NEVER fails.”

Ok, granted I have an affinity for philosophy, so of course i have to dig a bit deeper with that thought process and the digging ends up with me asking some questions:

“Kris, are you patient? Are you kind? Do you want what belongs to others? Do you brag? Are you proud? Are you rude? Are you looking out for your own interests? Are you easily angered? Do you keep track of other people’s wrongs? Are you happy with evil or are you full of joy when the truth is spoken? Do you always protect? Do you always trust? Do you always hope? Do you give up? Do you fail?”

I”m in a predicament…my philosophical search takes me to the mirror that has been spotlessly Windexed by the Love Himself and i can see clearly that i am not patient. i am sooo not kind. I do sometimes want what belongs to others…um, I AM rude and I do look out for my own interests and man, I get angry easily especially when sitting in traffic and… it bugs me so much that my kids forgot to take lunch money again and again…seriously this is like the 5th time this year (wait, that’s me keeping track of wrongs isn’t it?) trusting and protecting are tall orders…hope? sometimes I do that…give up? often I do that…fail? well, let’s just leave that blank for now.

So when it’s all said and done I realize that I can’t do it…I fall so short… and when I look down at myself I see that I’ve fallen because I’m so tangled up in miles and miles of pretty pink and red ribbons that I’ve used to make myself more presentable to Him when he never asked that of me. The hardest part is letting go and knowing that all I need is basic understanding not the comprehension of Socrates. It is so difficult for me to comprehend, much less something I can let overtake my life…my life, this tangled mess of pretty trinkets and bows and chocolate covered whatevers all caught in the most amazing hands of GRACE. Simple as that…Grace.

photo by lgkiii

As you may know, I like to read. Currently, I’m reading about 4-5 books. 2 fiction and 2-3 non-fiction.
The one I just started this week is called, An Alter In The World by Barbara Brown Taylor.

So far, my Kindle has experienced me reading and reading paragraphs, then highlighting text, and going back to re-read them again. I’m so thankful for my friend who recommended her to me. This is one of those books that I want an actual copy of, so that I can pick it up, highlight, write in and then hand to a friend.

She starts the book off by talking about Jacob’s vision and how he set up an alter in the place where he had the vision…The location wasn’t what mattered, but God showed up in the place where Jacob was and Jacob recognized God’s presence and set up a place of remembrance. We all have encounters with God but most of us don’t recognize them because of our notions of what meeting God is all about.

Here are a couple of my highlights that I keep going back over…

“Do we build God a house so that we can choose when to see God? Do we build God a house in lieu of having God stay at ours?”

“Human beings may separate things into as many piles as we wish–separating spirit from flesh, sacred from secular, church from world. But we should be surprised when God does not recognize the distinctions we make between the two. Earth is so thick with divine possibility that it is a wonder that we can walk anywhere without cracking our shins on alters. “

So far, I’m fascinated by Taylor’s writing and thinking. Seems like a timely book for my current place in life. I’ve been thinking a lot recently about how often I have “chance” encounters with people and what my response, attitude or heart needs to be in those encounters. What if I started considering each of the moments whether monotonous or exciting as a chance to see God’s heart?

What are you reading? Anything that’s challenging or compelling or fascinating that I should know about?

Sweet girl

A year ago this week I wrote this.

I work for Compassion International. This week has been extremely trying for all of us. Our faith has been tested. Our hearts have been broken. Our emotions are raw. The earthquake in Haiti hit us hard! We have over 64 thousand children we work with in Haiti alone and of that 6 thousand are in Port-au-Prince.It’s not just some story out there somewhere for us…those are our kids…our babies, our friends, our co-workers.

It’s  been especially hard because 2 friends and co-workers from  Colorado Springs are out there and we are all waiting on pins and needles to hear news of them.

Towards the end of last week, God kept putting this scripture on my heart…I even dialogued with friends about it… Genesis 16:3 She gave this name to the LORD who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen ^[c] the One who sees me.” Today, this scripture kept flashing in my mind’s eye…God sees, God knows. God sees…God sees…God sees!!!! Tonight in Haiti, there is destruction, there is rubble, there is chaos, but in the midst of all of that GOD SEES! We don’t know where our missing friends are, but God sees them. My prayer is that in and through all of this we would see the One who sees our friends, our co-workers, our children, and all the other people who are there right now.

Today, I’m glad to see that even through the pain and heartache caused by the earthquake in Haiti, God still sees. I’m so thankful that Dan was rescued from the rubble in Haiti. We mourned with the family of David. We couldn’t make sense of what happened but I think this scripture set in motion for me a year of seeing God’s sovereignty in my life and in the lives of my loved ones.

Over and over and over again, I kept seeing things fall apart and break. I saw sickness and disease. I saw heartache and  brokenness, but in and through it all there was this stillness that allowed me to know that I was seeing the One who saw me and everyone else who calls out to Him.

“You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen ^[c] the One who sees me.”
If you would like to change the world, you can! Please sponsor a child from Haiti and see how  you can be used by God!

Isn’t it funny that when you’re a kid you either have it all figured out (i’m gonna be a doctor, lawyer, singer, teacher)  or you don’t (I’m gonna be batman, wonder-woman, superman)when I grow up?), but never in those thoughts do you imagine the difficulties you’ll face in becoming a big person. Partly it’s because most of us don’t  know what kind of difficulties to expect, but another part because we just don’t have the life experience.

If you told me 15 years ago that I would be divorced by the age of 34, I wouldn’t have believed you because that was not part of my experience and that just wasn’t something I could imagine for myself. It wasn’t part of the “I’m going to get an education, get married, be a mommy, live in suburbia” plan. Actually much of my life hasn’t gone the way I thought it would go, but then again, it’s certainly been more interesting this way.

So, here we are, in 2011 and my life’s completely topsy- turvy, turned inside out and you know what? I wouldn’t have it any other way.  I can honestly say that I’m a little anxious about what 2011 has in store, because it’s not going to fall into  the imagined mold that I have in my head. The events that happen will more than likely catch me off guard and I might be left speechless, breathless, possibly crying or laughing, but undoubtedly I trust that it will God’s best for me.

Bottom of the Incline

So, the other day I “did” the incline and as I was climbing it, I was really seeking God’s wisdom for my life. I was in a mode of climbing in every sense. There were moments where everything in my body was burning from exertion, but I felt like I had to keep going. Since I’ve done this little hike a few times, I know that there’s a false peak that you see from the bottom. I also know that there are people doing this climb for the first time just trying to summit the false peak thinking they’ll reach the top.

Looking down from the false peak

I’ve been on a steady uphill climb in my life for a while now, so often when I’m in the mountains, God really uses those times to show me the life analogy . It hit me hard that day that God allows me to climb each step, sometimes with excruciating pain so that I will appreciate the true peak when I finally reach it. There have been lots of false summits in my life in the past few weeks…actually the past few years. Some of these false peaks have shown up in my life through family, work, finances, personal, even spiritual issues. Along with the false peaks have been false truths. Stuff I’ve told myself, sometimes stuff others have said about me or to me…those things have become the stumbling blocks as I’ve been trying to climb…getting in my way, setting me back, making me question why I’m climbing in the first place. Sometimes I catch myself wishing to get to the false peak so that I can then give up and quit by selling myself short and saying, “well, at least I tried.”

I’m telling you, I’m in a strange place in my life because that last climb showed me so clearly how the false summits and false truths set me back for a time and possibly even for a season, but the reality is that God is still God. The same one who created the mountains is making the way for me by allowing me to take my direction from him one step at a time. People may offer explanation or discounts or even blame, but the reality in my life is that God controls my life. I will make it to the top, I have that assurance because God’s truth will always prevail, and when I get there…the view will be so worth it!

View from the top

“Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains, your justice like the great deep. O LORD, you preserve both man and beast.”
Psalm 36:6

“Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,”
Psalm 46:2